First things first, Happy Lunar New Year to all my 4.5 Chinese readers out there. I’m currently drafting another post, but I was doing some reflection and I got punched in the gut by Lady Epiphany. The topic for this post is GOALS…or to be more dramatic, DREAMS.
I have always been a really idealistic person—dreaming HUGE and disregarding everything else. I always believed everyone should do what they enjoy, and drop everything that makes their lives even the slightest bit miserable. However, even though I dreamed big, I wasn’t the most persistent person.
If I felt that doing something was the slightest bit BORING, I would not do it. This meant that I never got very far in many areas—drumming, song-writing, bulking, etc.
On the plus side, it meant that I filtered out the things that I wouldn’t enjoy doing…bringing me closer to finding something that I was passionate about.
My friends and I talk about the future a lot. We’re at the point in our lives where people expect us to know (or choose) what to do with our lives, and start working towards it.
I see two kinds of people: those who know what they want to do and are already on their way and those who are still lost/ looking. To be honest I was, myself, lost too, but I was determined to break out of it.
For the longest time, I thought I would end up in the music industry. I play the drums and I do enjoy it very much, but a small part of me didn’t enjoy doing music. I looked at my friends who were very determined and saw that they totally enjoyed what they did. I have a friend who virtually brought his guitar EVERYWHERE. Every time he picked up his guitar, you could see the passion in his eyes. This was what he was born to do. I looked at myself, and I didn’t feel the same way with regards to drumming.
Purpose. I had to find my purpose in life, and something told that music wasn’t it. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy playing the drums, or writing songs. It just was not my DESTINY. Most people who read this would think that I was being lazy and giving excuses. They may be right, but like I said before I am an idealistic person. I couldn’t give my 100% and so I decided to look elsewhere.
Fast-forward to a few months back, when I received a text from a guy, K, whom I had met in October 2010 during the RSD Free Tour. He had started up his own company which helped average guys like me learn the art of pick-up. K was looking for new students and he asked if I was interested.
It was something I had always been interested in, but was afraid to go out and do it on my own. I was pretty well-read in the theory department, but lacked the real-world experience. And moreover, I hadn’t even considered paying to learn it AT ALL. It was sudden…but for some reason, I decided to go ahead with it anyway.
Looking back, it was the best decision I’d ever made. I had issues financing the course, but we worked something out. I didn’t know what to expect, and was feeling slightly ambivalent; I felt that it was an area in my life that I had to settle, yet I didn’t know if it was worth investing in something like this. Furthermore I was in a good relationship, and I knew she wouldn’t approve of it. So I didn’t say anything about it.
The rest, as they say, is history. I’ve come quite far since, and I realize there’s still a long way to go. But more importantly, I can say I have found my PURPOSE: to help others who are stuck in the same place as I was.
I was HORRIBLE with women. Zero confidence and pretty much afraid of being a man. Right now, I won’t say that I am amazing with women, but I have grown…and will still continue to grow.
You might be thinking, Destiny and purpose? What a bunch of bullshit. You may think it is just a phase in my life that I will outgrow very quickly. I can only say who knows anything about the future? But right now I am very certain that this is what I want to do: To grow as a PERSON and to help others who are lost, but seeking.
Anyway, earlier on I said that there were people who know what they want to do and are already on their way to realizing their dreams. You might be wondering how YOU can do that too? Well I’m not here to tell you three simple steps to being successful. These are merely what I have learnt after being lost for a LONG time. And they are..
Dream BIG
A lot of people I know SETTLE. Most of them start off with big ambitions, but they let the world tell them what is possible and what is impossible…and in the end they settle for mediocrity. When I first started off learning the art of pick-up, I was excited. I constantly pictured myself 10 years down the road where I was living the life I wanted—living FREE.
This was how I knew I had found my purpose. I wasn’t consciously thinking about these things, but my mind would always wander back to it…which made me excited.
So I ask you now, what is it that EXCITES you? Close your eyes and imagine 10 years from now. Where are you? What kind of person are you? What kind of people are you with? Be SPECIFIC.
For my case, I see myself chilling under the sun on a rooftop garden next to a swimming pool in the middle of the city of angels, Los Angeles. With a drink in hand, a book in another and the perfect girl next to me. Note that when I say perfect girl, I don’t mean in terms of physical appearance. I recognize that my internal state is HAPPY, and so this girl must make me HAPPY—which means we must connect perfectly on all levels.
I also see myself as relaxed, without a care in the world, and sure of myself. I am successful not in monetary terms, but because I have achieved self-awareness (top level of Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs). I am a dating coach and every day I add value to people’s lives, which provides me with immense fulfillment.
This is how specific it gets, and I’m absolutely positive that people who have found their calling feel the same way. They KNOW where they are going and they go—like a homing missle towards its target.
Extreme Dedication
The emphasis is on the word EXTREME. It is common knowledge that if you put in time and effort into something you will reap results. But the difference between successful people and the rest of us is EXTREME dedication.
They are willing to put in 8-10 hours a DAY to hone their craft. If you have read Malcolm Gladwell’s bestseller, Outliers, you will know the 10, 000-hour rule.
10, 000 hours is a FUCKING lot of time to put into something which you do not enjoy. I am not even willing to waste a single hour on something that doesn’t give me fulfillment. The difference is, when you have found your PURPOSE, you will naturally want to spend every day honing your craft. Even if you want to, you’ll not be able to give yourself excuses. Instead, your purpose will be your EXCUSE. That is the level of extreme that I’m talking about.
In pickup a lot of people are talking about the 30-day challenge—where you go out 30 days IN A ROW to practice pickup. I say BULLSHIT! Owen Cook (AKA Tyler Durden) of RSD has been going out ALMOST every day (4-7 days a week) for the past 10 years or so. That is the level of dedication these people have.
I wouldn’t say I currently put in that amount of time into doing what I do. I spread out my focus on handling other areas of my life too. However, I dedicate almost my entire weekends and off days to going out and meeting women. This means that I have to drop a lot of other things in my life which are not contributing to my growth, like playing video games, and wandering around cyberspace.
Social Circle
This is by far the hardest thing to do: SELECTING the people you hang out with. I have been on the receiving end of this, and I was bitter as hell. But now I realize that above everything else, this is very crucial. It is difficult to swallow. After all, it means ending relationships and burning bridges. Most people cannot accept this, and I don’t blame them. For me it meant making very painful choices.
You see, we can only keep up with a handful of people in our lives at any point of time. That’s why when you move from one chapter to the next, your friends change. There are exceptions, of course, but most of the time people fall away and you move on to new friends.
They say you are the product of the FIVE closest people in your life. To some extent, you can take this literally, but on a deeper level, the five people are you the closest with emotionally have the biggest impact on your life.
That’s why I see friends who no longer call me up and involve me in their lives as much as they used to. I used to blame them, but now I can understand why. It was not a conscious decision to cut me out of their lives. But naturally, we just fell away over time. We weren’t on the same path.
There are only two options: you can take it personally, or you can see it as the only logical outcome. Ultimately, we are social creatures; the people we surround ourselves with make us who we are. So if you want to be a musician, surround yourself with people who can help you break into the scene.
I don’t mean that you have to intentionally burn bridges and cut off contact with other people who are not INSTRUMENTAL. But even without trying, you will realize that these relationships will weaken gradually; before you know it, good friends become acquaintances…especially when you spend more of your time on other areas in your life. Who you hang out with determines whether you are SUCCESSFUL or not.
In case you misunderstand, this is not a HOW TO GUIDE to be successful. I repeat, this is NOT “3 simple steps to Success”. It is merely my thoughts upon observing successful people around me—their mindsets, actions and what makes them who they are. I am not encouraging you to spend every day doing something you HATE and cutting off everyone who disagrees with you. I am saying that when you have found your PURPOSE, these things will come naturally.
I shall end the post here. I hope you have gained something from this. If you have any questions, email me at evident.37 “at” gmail.com or leave a comment below. Once again, Happy Lunar New Year to all my 6.373 Chinese readers out there (or those who celebrate Lunar New Year).
Cheers.
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