Last night I was talking to a friend, K, and he sent me a barrage of text screenshots of his text conversation with this girl he’s just met and is interested in. I shan’t disclose details of the conversation but in short, almost every text he sent was an ESSAY…and they just kept getting longer, and longer, and longer….
There wasn’t anything wrong content-wise; there was fun banter, a little bit of flirting and talking about all sorts of kinky shit, but there was still a LOT to read. To be honest, all I did was skim through the texts. But it doesn’t matter, the issue was that he was being too reactive to the girl’s emotional state (aka his gravitational field was weaker than the girl’s).
In astro-physics, we see that the body of mass that has the stronger gravitational field WINS. Everything else orbits around it. For our Solar system, obviously this entity would be the Sun. Although everything else has it’s own gravitational field, they still revolve around the Sun. So how does this apply to social dynamics?
In most social groups, there is always the ONE person which has the strongest GF. He (or she) would be what we call the alpha or leader of the group. He does not defer to anyone and everyone looks to him for direction. The alpha has an aura of superiority (which is not self-generated, but comes from the reverence deferred to him by people around him); he is confident, calm and collected.
The alpha moves at HIS OWN RHYTHM. He does not rush to keep up with everyone around him, but his presence slows everyone down and draws attention toward him. He is not anxious; not flustered; not worried. He is CENTERED.
A while back, I met this girl D on the streets. I was on my way to meet my friends and she happened to walk past me. Being alone, I hesitated and gave myself excuses NOT to go. But I wasn’t having any of that. I turned around and caught up to her. It went pretty well and I managed to get her number.
When I texted her with my usual “opening” text, I received a reply that I had not gotten before. She had called me out for “using this on every girl I get numbers from”. Even though I tried to plough through that, I could tell from her response that she was still skeptical about my sincerity.
Usually that wouldn’t be a problem, but somehow with her I just started to lose my centeredness. I was AFFECTED by the fact that she was questioning my sincerity and giving me all sorts of shit tests; trying to get me to jump through hoops to win her approval. I fell for it. Now when I revisit our conversation, I still don’t know what happened. I don’t know if she was intentionally trying to get me to qualify myself to her or she was NATURALLY gifted like that.
Anyway, my texts started getting needy and, worse, I was sending ESSAYS to her. It was just a little bit after we started texting and we didn’t know anything about each other yet but I was already trying to qualify myself to her; baring my soul to her before she even knew what I do or who I am. Then suddenly she said, “What are you talking about? I’m kinda lost. Why are you telling me all this?”
I snapped back to reality.
Why was I telling her all these when I didn’t even know her? What just happened? In terms of multiplicity, needy vulnerable Jet took over and started to dominate the conversation. NV Jet usually shows his head when I’m baring myself out to someone. In that situation it made things awkward as HELL; it was over text, with someone I barely knew. It seemed like a lost cause.
So I fired this off to her, “You know what? This isn’t going to work.”
She asked me what was wrong but I said, “Nevermind. Let’s start over. Hi, I’m Jet”.
And as they say, the rest is history. It went GREAT after that. Not just good, GREAT! There was a lot of sexual banter, teasing, pet names, and other things involved but I won’t elaborate.
So what happened here? When she started calling me out, I felt a need to qualify myself. And as if on cue, vulnerable Jet took over and started vulnerabilit-ing all over her. I began to REACT to everything she said; I was dancing to HER rhythm. My gravitational force dissipated and I was revolving around her. Everything she threw at me, I caught it and tried to explain. It was horrible.
A lot of guys make this mistake, too. If you watch the master PUAs who have been doing this for a long time, or even NATURALS, you can see that they rarely, or never, enter into a situation where they lose their power. It’s not exactly a POWER game to get the upper hand, but on some level you have to be STRONG and not react to the unnecessary bullshit.
Whether it’s over TEXT or a face-to-face interaction, you don’t have to respond to EVERYTHING—emotionally, or otherwise. When texting, there are usually multiple threads of conversation going on at the same time. This happens when both sides are SEEKING rapport and trying to find something that CLICKS. So both sides throw out random stuff simultaneously, and what ends up happening is you end up having to reply to two things at once.
While this is absolutely fine for a while, it shouldn’t go on too long. What you are trying to do here is to make the conversation FUN; to find something to tease or flirt with her with. This means that the moment you see something that you can use, you no longer respond to the other threads. If there are two conversations going on at once, it is perfectly fine to end the BORING one abruptly.
Of course once the teasing dies down and you two are seeking rapport again, then you can pick up from where you left of. Once again, you don’t have to respond to EVERYTHING. Chase the boring thread, and the conversation will become boring.
Same as when you’re with the girl. A large part of communication is non-verbal. What this means is that you can be talking about ANYTHING and it doesn’t matter. You can be talking about the color of the sea, the color of her eyes, or the color of SHIT. It wouldn’t matter. What matters is FUN and sexual TENSION. You hold eye contact. She holds it until the tension builds and is too much for her to handle, she breaks away to release the tension. You tell a joke; you build up the tension until you get to the punchline which breaks the tension.
What does being centered looks like? Think James Bond. He doesn’t have to do much work, but his magnetism or GF pulls women TOWARD him. He is mysterious and strong. Women want his attention. They do most of the talking while he just gives the occasional, “okay” or nod of approval. But when he comes across something that can bring the conversation to where he wants to, he responds to that.
He IS listening. It just seems like he isn’t. He’s coming from the frame that, she wants me, so I’ll see what she has to offer. His inner Gravitational force is so strong, even guys feel the need to bring him down in order to make themselves feel better. But he doesn’t care, because it DOESN’T MATTER.
Robert Greene talks about “keeping an air of mystery”, and “not revealing too much of yourself” in his book The 48 Laws of Power. He uses a lot of good examples, which I won’t go into detail here. But basically, always keep your answers VAGUE, and keep them guessing. If you do not reveal your INTENTIONS, they will make up something in order to try to figure you out.
I’ve encountered many guys who are facing the same problem with women, even I still do that sometimes. They constantly react to the women’s EMOTIONAL STATE—she’s bored, she’s disinterested, she’s angry, she’s sad. That is the BIGGEST mistake you can commit, by losing your emotional stability which women depend on. When you start losing your strength, they will feel that they have to be emotionally independent of you. That’s where they become cold and cut you off. They no longer need you.
So as a man, you have to be their ROCK; their ANCHOR. Be strong and centered. I don’t mean that you be totally cut off from reality and unreactive to EVERYTHING. Most people misunderstand. What I mean is that you have to be PRESENT, and take care of the IMPORTANT THINGS. Being present is one of the hardest things to achieve but also fundamental to good game.
If you wander off into your head and you start imagining all sorts of scenarios, people pick up on that. Alternatively, being present will immediately kick you into “flow” state; where it’s just you and the girl. Everything just FLOWS. You won’t need to worry about what to say, and how to entertain or impress her. Your centeredness will immediately pull her into your frame and she will be moving to YOUR RHYTHM. What you find FUN, she will find fun too.
I hope this helps everyone who is having trouble in this area. If you feel that you constantly lose women’s interest in your or feel that you constantly worry about having to impress or entertain women, this article is for YOU. Centeredness is vital to SUCCESS, not only with women, but most social situations.
Leave your thoughts in the comments below or fire me an email at evident.37 “at” gmail “dot” com.
Cheers!
Related posts:
Pingback: The Salesman-Customer Paradigm: The “Logical” Opportunity To Approach? | The Evident Lifestyle