Destroying Your Limiting Beliefs

Everyone who ventures in a new area knows that one of the BIGGEST hindrances to success is YOURSELF. We often create limiting beliefs to protect ourselves from disappointment. In other words, we set ourselves up for failure.

This might seem like bullshit to most people. After all, who the hell would want to sabotage their own success? There’s a whole science behind self-sabotage and why we do it. Most of the time, it’s not a conscious decision to fail per se, but a survival instinct gone wrong. In order to protect ourselves—lives, reputation, emotional stability, etc—our mind comes up with excuses to avoid the pain of failure.

While this may be helpful in certain situations, most of the time it’s just UNFOUNDED limiting beliefs. The trick is to identify these limiting beliefs and DESTROY them. In terms of pickup, they may include (but not limited to): weight, looks, age, income, height, personality, etc.

I myself am not void of limiting beliefs. I have come a long way from curtailing certain beliefs such as my physical size, my smile, and several other things. I used to think that my gummy smile was my stumbling block to success. I kid you not.

Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw this ugly smile that I really wanted to get rid of. I actually went to do research on surgical procedures to FIX it. It was a huge stumbling block to my confidence. When I talked to people I was very self-conscious of my smile. It wasn’t anything that people pointed out but it festered in my mind.

When I started making changes to my life, I was told to list down the limiting beliefs I had. Gummy smile was at the top of my list. I wasn’t even that affected by my skinny frame as much as my smile. I felt that UGLY was something I couldn’t change. But was I really?

After listing them down, I looked at the list. Was this really an issue? I unearthed my treasure trove of memories to find a single time when my gummy smile was actually a deciding factor in whether or not people wanted to be my friend. Not a single one. Of course there were a few occasions where people pointed my gummy smile out. But it definitely wasn’t that big an issue that I played it out to be in my head.

And that soften the groundwork of my limiting beliefs. Soon after that I started to go out and meet people. And the more people I met, the more I realized that no one really noticed, or that it just wasn’t an issue. Everything was just in my head, really.

“It’s all just in your head” is a mantra oft repeated by the people around me. While most of the time it may be true, there are times when it’s NOT just in your head. The key is to know how to differentiate between limiting beliefs and situational hindrances.

Just a short while back, when I was on my extreme NO EXCUSES rampage, I literally blocked out the part of my brain where all my limiting beliefs stemmed from. I was on BANKAI (inside joke) mode and ripped through the streets with my friends, opening almost all the sets that I saw and wanted to open.

No excuses, was what I told myself before walking up to them. During the short span of time while catching up to them, my mind would blank out and kick into “flow” state. I could “see” my excuses and negative thoughts go past, in and out, of my mind. I didn’t allow myself to latch onto anything that would hold me back.

But then there was this particular situation that stopped me.

She was wearing butterfly wings and being escorted by a few people flanking both sides. The models were promoting the Voyage de La Vie show. Although the model wasn’t STUNNINGLY beautiful, but because I was on my no excuses romp, I actually thought of going up to her, while she was taking photos with little kids, and delivering my opener.

Unfortunately for you guys, I didn’t. I’m pretty certain there would be a good story in there, but doing that would just be plain stupid. It wasn’t that I was planning to fail, or that I was self-conscious. The situation just didn’t allow for her to stop what she was doing to CHAT and also to give out her number. She was working and all eyes were on her. I think even the Casanova-reincarnate would just let that slide.

So what is a limiting belief? Like I mentioned earlier, limiting beliefs are unfounded beliefs about YOURSELF that hinder success. Things that you are self-conscious about but actually have no part in deciding whether you succeed or fail. Things like physical appearance, accumulations or age, are all limiting beliefs which should be destroyed.

Of course, I don’t have all my shit handled. But it’s a GROWING process of constant grinding and improvement to get the ultimate CONFIDENCE. Right now I still have a problem approaching older (or what I see as more successful) women. I feel inferior; that I cannot match up to them in terms of success. I feel inadequately equipped to provide value. And this is a limiting belief.

Offering value doesn’t come from what you have accumulated for yourself—your car, your job, money—but how you can improve the quality of her experience in THAT moment. Women are emotional creatures, they respond to the IMMEDIATE emotional well-being that you can offer. If you are confident and having a great time, your energy can be infectious and she will have fun too. If she enjoys being around you, it wouldn’t matter if you’re 20 or 92.

Of course, if you’re 18 and going for a 30-year-old, you’re going to have a harder time. But it is not IMPOSSIBLE. The key is to be present in the moment, just the two of you…where everything else doesn’t matter. If you resort to boring drivel and the usual conversation, her mind would definitely wander towards thinking about these things (i.e. age, career, etc)

The way about destroying limiting belief is to obtain as much reference experience that proves OTHERWISE. So if you think you’re too fat to get girls to give you their number, GET OUT THERE and try until you have enough experience to turn it around. Alternatively, you could lose weight too. But if you wait until you lose weight before you start talking to women, you’ll find that you haven’t solved the core of the issue: self-esteem. Would that mean that you have to fix everything in your life, to become to perfect human specimen, before you start living life? Of course NOT!

Do not DWELL on your limiting beliefs. Go about it with a neutral or positive mindset. Don’t let self-fulfilling prophecies destroy your success. If you expect to fail, you will.

“Trust in the process” is what my friend told me. I still repeat it to myself whenever I feel inadequate or that I cannot do something. Trust that the process of constant practice and honing of your craft will bring you success. Trust that through dedication and passion, you WILL become a virtuoso; a master.

Do yourself a favor and write down all the limiting beliefs you think you have. Remember to keep them to things about YOURSELF, and exclude things external influences that you cannot change (i.e. approaching a Victoria Secret model on the Runway). After you have done so, see if these things are things that are truly affecting your game. Does it matter if I am/ have xxx?

If you really think it matters, find out how to FIX it. But don’t expect results overnight. Give yourself time, set reasonable goals. Ultimately, if confidence is your goal you have to learn to LOVE every aspect of yourself.

Love yourself, then you can love others.

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